FIVE-to-Decide

Parents are especially challenged with Decision Empowerment since they must learn to become good decision makers as they teach their children decision-making skills as well.

The FIVE-to-Decide™ Conversation is designed to allow you, as a parent, to judiciously transfer authority and responsibility for decision making to your child as your child matures in judgment and increase their decision making skills.

The series of steps or what we call dialogues that make up the FIVE-to-Decide Conversation can be counted off on one hand: (1) Focus; (2) Information; (3) Value; (4) Evaluate; and, (5) Decide.

Make sure you visit DEI Press and check out our latest publication, “Decision Empowerment: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Good Decision Makers” for a detailed discussion of each individual dialogue listed on this website and how to conduct each in practice.

Also, don’t forget to check our downloads page for the latest in useful information. In addition, consider taking our decision behavior diagnostic (link) to learn about which behaviors you may have that keep you and others from making good decisions.

Focus Dialogue

You need to teach your child first how to consider different perspectives on what is the decision to be made before agreeing on the specific decision to focus on. That is, you and your child need to decide on what the right decision is. Once the decision is clearly defined, identify the distinctly and significantly different alternatives you and your child feel should be considered (i.e., the choices to involve) in the subsequent dialogues that will lead to the decision. Creating a list of compelling choices is the ultimate goal of this dialogue. Getting the decision focus right will help ensure you and your child address the right issues, solve the right problems, and consider all of the best possibilities.

Information Dialogue

Next, you and your child need to identify and understand the issues, concerns, and questions that make the decision hard to make. Answering the question, “Why is the decision easy or hard to make?” will uncover the information critical to making the decision and will illuminate the issues of value that need to be addressed (later, in the Value Dialogue). Ultimately, issues must be classified as either: (1) an assumption; (2) an uncertainty; or, (3) value-related.

Value Dialogue

You and your child need to identify whose values (your child’s, yours, someone else’s) and preferences need accounting for in making the decision. In addition, you need to identify what types of value are important to those individuals and therefore should be considered in making the decision.

Value Types

• Enjoyment (Fun)
• Health
• Safety
• Education
• Family Quality Time
• Charity
• Pain
• Money
• Personal Fulfillment
• Time
• Other (ex. Environmental)

Evaluate Dialogue

The essence of this dialogue is to evaluate each of the alternatives and understand why the highest scoring alternative is preferred to all other alternatives- the “value story”. Ultimately, this dialogue must answer the question, “Is there one alternative that is clearly the best choice?”

Decide Dialogue

After establishing a mutual understanding and agreement on the “value story” of the decision, you and your child need to determine whether you (collectively) are: (1) ready to make the decision; (2) need to reconsider the decision; or, (3) need to wait for additional information before making the decision.

Better Decisions Using FIVE-to-Decide That You Can Make:

• After School Time Management
• Week End Events
• Family Vacations
• Summer Programs
• University or College Selection
• What Car to Buy
• Many Others